It Ain't Half Hot Mum

Gunner Solomons is trying to run a Concert Party rehearsal and he's finding it difficult without Gunner Graham, the pianist, who's been put on jankers by Sergeant Major Williams. The Sergeant Major is determined that Graham will spend his time painting stones white rather than playing the piano for a 'bunch of puffs'. Solly decides to appeal to a higher authority, so he sends the Bearer off to deliver a note to the Colonel. As a result, Graham is excused jankers and allowed to join the rest of the Concert Party in rehearsal. That evening, the Concert Party performance is interrupted when a large mob of locals stage an anti-British protest outside the camp gates. The Sergeant Major finds himself 'annointed' with the dung of a sacred animal - all over his best tunic.

Sergeant Major Williams talks the Colonel into letting him take the men from the Concert Party on a jungle survival course. The Sergeant Major thinks everyone is going without food and water, but Solly has arranged for Rangi Ram and the Char Wallah to follow behind with hot tea and food. While the Sergeant Major suffers from hunger and thirst, the men from the Concert Party keep sneaking off to eat and drink.

The Sergeant Major wants the men from the Concert Party to do guard duty and drill. The Colonel points out that they all have different uniforms, so they wouldn't look right on guard. The Sergeant Major plans to get the gang to dress up in similar uniforms by persuading them to include a 'military' number in the show. Solly manages to get hold of some uniforms and begins to rehearse 'The Road To Mandalay'. The General pays a visit to inspect the camp. He complains about the fact that the men in the camp all seem to be wearing different uniforms. Then he sees the Sergeant Major drilling the Concert Party, all dressed in similar uniforms, and insists on inspecting them.